One Room, Five To Go!

This post somehow got deleted. That's what I get for trying to post from my phone. I'm not really in the mood to reiterate. Maybe at a later date; either that or I'll just remove this post.

Bye Bye Tooth!

Well, I'm missing a tooth again. But no worries, I'm getting a new one on Wednesday. 

I have mixed feelings about my dental visit. Previously, I had been told that I need to get my fake tooth pulled out and that it would hurt a lot. Apparently, he just needed to cut the tooth out and it didn't hurt so much. Coming from me, that's pretty good.

The actual removing of the tooth only hurt sometimes at certain parts. Other things did hurt, however. And I had an incident- but that's normal for my dentist visits. 

Me: Light groan of pain. 

Dentist: I think you have to learn the difference between pain and my finger touching your mouth.

Me: But it hurts. 

Dentist: I don't believe you.

Me: That's because you can't feel it!

Dentist, while pressing on my upper gums: (Sarcastically) Ok, does this hurt?

Me: YES!

Dentist: ....

And that's when he got more "understanding" towards me and pressed lighter and stopped harshly moving my lips around. And later on, he even kept asking me if this or that hurts and was more gentle. Why do I need proof? Ugh. If I say it hurts, it hurts. And he's otherwise been a very amazing dentist. 

I have no idea why people don't believe how sensitive I am, but it's getting really annoying. Should I carry around a sign? A freakin' doctor's note? They believe me only after they hurt me. One dentist wouldn't believe that novocaine doesn't numb me.  Not only does it not work, the shot itself feels like my body is turning inside out and burning. It's the craziest feeling in the world. But they only believe me after they give me the shot 2 or 3 times and then "You were right" or "Ok, now you're just imagining the pain". 

THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROFESSIONAL DOCTORS! COME ON, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! =/ 

It can't be me, can it? I'm sure other people experience this too. I'm sure it's not *this* abnormal. It can't be... 

Neverending Appointments

Add sensory and perception issues to the list. I'm not sure how I didn't notice this before, but I'm starting to think that I was so emotionally damaged up until recently that I didn't notice most of the pain and oddness going on in my body. Now that I am a tiny bit less stressed, there is room for other things aside from horrible emotional pain and emptiness, which brings me to think- Damn, how much emotional pain did I experience for me not to notice some of these things?!
In other news, last week I had a dermatologist appointment. The dermatologist told me nothing is wrong with my skin and practically flew out of the room. I was too spacey/foggy to do something about it that day -- I'll get back to the spaciness/fogginess I often experience at a later time. I went back the other day and demanded another appointment. After much fighting, I got to see a different doctor free of charge. Add eczema to the list. Joy. At least that explains all the dryness and itching.

 I got kicked out of PT today. Apparently they're too incompetent to know what they're doing. They never listened to anything I said, walked away while I was doing the exercises, did the wrong exercises with me, told me they tried stuff with me when they didn't, and a lot more. I was going to tell them to switch the exercises and other stuff today but they actually told me there's nothing else they can do for me at this point instead. Ha! What great timing. I'll try a new place next week. Good riddance!

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. My insurance company rejected the request for a a crown/bridge, but approved the request for "false upper teeth". To make a long story short, I fell off my scooter when I was 12. I fell face first, but nothing else got hurt aside from the left side of my face, my two front teeth and the left tooth next to my front tooth. I also still have a baby tooth. I might need oral surgery.

 I woke up in the middle of general anesthesia once. That was scary. Imagine screaming but no one can hear you because you're paralyzed and it's all in your mind. I also got kicked out of 3 dentist's offices for being too sensitive.

We'll see if this one will be a repeat. Wish me luck!

Forgotten Pain Freak

I experience pain. I didn't realize how much until recently, or maybe I forgot. I tend to avoid things. For example, I stutter. It's usually not a problem because I replace words I stutter on with synonyms or close-enough words; it gets complicated with proper nouns, which is when I notice the stutter, other times I forget I even have one. I guess I learned to do the same with this. Anything that hurt me, I avoided; whether it was sitting a certain way, walking a certain way, moving in a certain way, putting pressure on certain body parts, etc. I feel the pain when I absolutely have to move in certain ways. But lately it's been hurting more. Not as much as during the various doctor visits, though.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I haven't had people telling me how to position my body or positioning my body for me. I noticed the pain a lot at my first competent doctor visit about a month ago, then noticed it even more by the rheumotologist, then by physical therapy and the x-rays.

Every single one of those doctors have asked me why I didn't notice the pain until now. Well, I did notice. In the beginning I assumed it was normal, so I just dealt it and avoided certain positions. And when I realized it wasn't normal, all the doctors said nothing was wrong.

Why did I think it was normal?

Well, a few reasons. I had no friends in real life, so I had no one to compare pain to. I never saw my online friends moving, so I didn't know that not everyone is always in pain.

Another reason is that I was very naive once upon a time ago. I assumed that everyone was in pain because people would always want the comfortable chair, run to get a seat on the bus, rushed to get inside the elevator, etc.. Instead of thinking "Wow, these people are lazy and spoiled", I just assumed their feet hurt so they didn't to sit down, their back hurt so they needed a comfortable chair and they rushed to get inside the elevator first because they couldn't take the stairs and standing around for too long hurt them as well.

While that might have been true for some people, that could not have possibly applied to almost everyone I've ever seen before.

The only thing that kept me going was my assumption that my experiences and pain were normal. And now even the doctors are acting like I'm some freak.

As I mentioned before, is it really so hard to believe that nothing got done about this before, or that when I finally did notice, no one believed me? I always knew something was wrong, something was different. I always felt like a freak. People treated me like one. I remember writing in a journal when I was 12, at a horror movie convention, that this is the only place  feel normal and safe; everywhere else I feel like I don't fit in or that I'm some circus freak. People always treated me like that. But now the doctors too?

Stop Judging

I know I'm young, you don't have to remind me. Ignorance from a common layman is to be expected, but from professionals? There is not one medical place I've been that hasn't asked me what happened to me and then sat there in disbelief when I told them that I hadn't been in some crazy accident. Then there is usually a follow up statement having to do with me needing to relax and that this amount of stress/anxiety is not normal for someone my age. They then proceed to ask me (again) what happened, but instead of asking about a physical accident, they inquire about a specific psychological event. They  can't seem to understand that it was prolonged and that I hadn't been in any accidents.

Leave me alone. Yes, I was under intense pressure, stress and anxiety from about age 4 until about 22, by which point I started getting a little better. Yes, I'm under a little bit of stress now. Deal with it. These are supposed to be medical/pain specialists. Was their degree totally useless? Did they not learn in school or through experience that, yes, it is possible for someone who is 24 to be under a tremendous amount of accumulated stress. I can understand if they said it was rare, but I can't understand when their jaws drop to the floor and their eyes roll out of their sockets. It's not *that* much of a big deal.

But then again, I never thought it was a big deal at all. So what do I know?

I do know that it is unusual when all these medical experts are in shock. Some of them have been doing this for over 20 years. It can't be *that* rare. Or can it?

Well, I guess it's unanimous. My doctor, phyiscial therapists, rheumotologist, x-ray people, they're all saying that I seem very nervous/anxious and that's probably where the fibromyalgia is from. Well, all unanimous, except for the internet which states that fibromyalgia is not psychosomatic. Which is the lesser of two evils? The Doctors or The Interwebs? hhmm....

One Long Intro

It all started on June 28th, 2012. Or maybe it was in 2008, when I first realized something was wrong. Perhaps it started in 1996, the earliest I can remember experiencing this. It could have even started as early as April 3rd, 1988. 

Who knows?


Who cares? That's not even the point. The point is that this is absolutely horrible timing. Oh, I'm not complaining. While I am happy that they finally figured out some of what is wrong with me, they could have done it a little sooner; or at a more convenient time. It's not like I didn't have enough to deal with before this whole thing started.


You're probably wondering why it took so long(or not, but I'll tell you anyway). For some reason, which I won't get into now, I thought this was all normal- but then it hit me, I realized it wasn't, and I started my long journey of disappointments.


I never did specify what I'm referring to. Well, fellow Bloggers and/or blog readers, I guess what I'm referring to is none other than pain; which brings us to the blog title, but I'll get back to that. What type of pain am I referring to? Well, all types really. You name it. We've got dull pain, sharp pain, weakness, soreness; we've got shoulder pain, knee pain, back pain and more; we've got a whole collection galore.


With that being said, I would like to invite you on my journey of aches, pains, planes, adventures and self discovery. The journey starts now; or at least the documented version if it does.


I will start at the beginning, er... middle. One fateful day in June, the 28th to be exact, I had a doctor's appointment that will change my life forever. Ok, ok. I'll stop being so dramatic. But anyway, it probably did. And so did everything else. I knew something was wrong with me- aside from mentally. Until that day, all I heard from doctors were robotic responses such as: "You're too young, just exercise more", "Well, your blood test came up negative for everything we checked for", "You're probably just stressed out or depressed. There is nothing physically wrong", among other ridiculous nonsense.


Apparently I do have something. It's not life threatening, but it's still a pain. Pun intended. And the timing is horrible. Basically, I have fibromyalgia, carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists, scoliosis, some sort of knee problem, heavy duty anxiety- which I knew about already- and they're not done testing me for stuff yet. I needed 6 x-rays, was prescribed a compound cream, put on two medications (meloxicam and lyrica), and am now going to physical therapy 3 times a week, starting today.


I didn't start the lyrica yet. I was told it would make me really sick and it might mess with neurological stuff. I'd rather make my neurologist appointment first. So far I got referred to a rheumotologist, a neurologist, a physical therapy place, a dermatologist, and this is just for now. When this is done, I might have to go see a nutritionist and an allergist.


Physical therapy sucks. It hurts. And I don't like it.


Insurance pays for one procedure a day, along with a whole bunch of other inconvenient policies. So my next few days look like this: Painful physical therapy in the morning, X-ray after that, work after that, get home at 10:00pm, clean up a little, maybe eat some food, surf the web,and then pass out. I don't have much time for anything else.


I just finished summer classes, and I'm waiting to see if I passed my last final.  If I did, I have a Bachelor's Degree. I thought when school was over I'd have more time. Boy, was I wrong.


So, what is this "bad timing" I keep speaking of? I'm engaged; I have a wedding to plan. And on top of that, I was supposed to move to London on August 22nd, which doesn't seem quite possible now. More on that later.